As scary as it was to share my deepest, darkest secrets with the world I learned some pretty beautiful things.
First of all, I learned pornography addiction (or compulsion) is not an uncommon thing. Many people have reached out to me expressing their ability to relate to me as they have gone through similar things. As I heard each person's stories, one phrase has continued running through my mind: BE KIND. To those of you reading this post, please be sensitive to how you address the issue of pornography addiction. I have heard various stories of young men in a public setting who, being perfectly worthy, capable, human beings with the potential to be great husbands and fathers, start to question themselves as they hear the girl next to them express disgust and state they would never date someone who has had a past pornography problem. What she doesn't know is that most likely there isn't a person in this world who hasn't been exposed to or had a problem at some point or another with pornography. (Notice I say "exposed" because I realize not EVERYONE in the world has had issues with pornography addiction. but we've all been exposed.) We've all been tainted because we live in a pornographic world. Please educate yourselves on the nature of pornography addiction and be educated enough to make an informed decision when it comes to those you will and won't date. Those of us who suffer with addiction are already hurting enough without having someone else judge us as not worthy of being wonderful boyfriends, girlfriends, and spouses.
Second, I learned people WANT to talk about this stuff! My sister Malissa is part of Reach 10, a non-profit started by young adults who want to end the taboo culture of talking about pornography addiction. Their goal is to encourage people to reach out! As she shared my story in her last meeting her friend Rachel asked if she could get my information. Rachel contacted me and asked me to be in a documentary she is filming about the LDS culture and pornography addiction. (Stay tuned-it will be posted to social media once it's done!) I was more than happy to go and share my story. Can talking about these things sometimes be awkward? Absolutely! But is it necessary? YES! I'm so glad I found the courage to reach out and share my story so that hopefully others will have the courage to share theirs too.
To those reading this blog post, I encourage you to find ways of sharing your stories. We ALL got issues. The important thing is to lift others by sharing them. (Even though it can be awkward, embarrassing, and scary.) It's worth it. And people will be more loving and supporting than you think :)
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Pornography Addiction: A Woman's Story
Let's be real. Pornography use is really hard to talk about, especially when you're the one sharing your story. And more especially if you are a girl. As more and more women are sharing their stories about their struggles with pornography, I feel it's time to share mine. This post has been a long time coming, and I haven't wanted to share my story for fear of what people might think and how their perceptions of me might change. But I feel it's an important step that needs to be taken in order to help others realize they are not alone. The truth is, pornography addiction affects both men AND women.
My story doesn't start with an actual pornography issue. When I was 12 years old I discovered masturbation. (Yes, that word makes me cringe too). At the time, I didn't realize that it was a behavior that went against the teachings of my church. As I came to learn that this was a bad habit I shouldn't be engaging in, I began to feel a lot of guilt and shame. I felt like an awful person. But like anyone who struggles with compulsive behaviors, I couldn't stop. As I grew up I thought there was something wrong with me. Why did I struggle with this awful habit? The shame I felt affected my self-esteem.
As I grew older I tried to get up the courage to talk to my mom. I was 15 when I finally decided to tell her. I don't think I expected her to be so loving and understanding. As I found the courage to talk to my mom, a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. She still loved me! (Of course.) She encouraged me to talk to an ecclesiastical leader, which I did, but I was terrified. I will admit, the conversation I had with my ecclesiastical leader was awkward. At this point in time, I don't think many people knew how to help youth with this issue.
After I talked to my ecclesiastical leader about my problem, I felt relieved. I thought I was healed. Unfortunately, the behavior didn't stop. When I was in college I discovered magazines like Cosmopolitan. I would justify reading these articles because it wasn't "real" pornography. I wasn't looking at images. They were just stories. Afters years of struggling, I served an LDS mission when I was 21. For the first time in almost 10 years I didn't struggle with these behaviors. After 18 months, I again believed I was healed. But as soon as I returned to college, the stress and anxiety I had experienced before my mission returned, and I found myself in the same cycle I had been in as a teenager. The compulsive behaviors progressed, and I found myself looking at pornographic images and videos in order to escape from the stresses of life.
The shame continued, and I began counseling with religious leaders again. It always seemed to carry on in the same cycle. Behavior, shame, visits with religious leaders where we read scriptures, prayed, they told me I'd be fine, (I even had one leader express to me that the behavior would stop once I was married, proof that many leaders at that time didn't understand the nature of compulsive behavior and addiction) and then after a while the behavior presented itself again and I wondered why this continued. Was I not righteous enough? I must not have been praying fervently enough or studying my scriptures the right way. As I began to learn about the cycle of addiction and that my behavior stemmed from my need to cover up negative emotions I was experiencing, I also learned about my triggers and then began to learn other coping mechanisms.
I learned that my triggers aren't sexual in nature at all. Like many other people, they stem from feeling lonely, stress, anxiety, etc. That helped me become more aware of times when I would be vulnerable. Disclosing my problem to the rest of my family has really helped me as well. My family has been super awesome in loving and supporting me through my addiction. I have been really blessed in this aspect. I wish everyone had a support system as awesome and understanding as my family has been. I've learned positive ways to deal with my stress through exercise, meditation, playing music (I play both the piano and violin.) I've also learned to share negative emotions with a trusted friend or family member as the emotions manifest themselves, instead of ignoring them until they overwhelm me. As I have accepted my addiction for what it is and learned to separate my self-worth from my addiction, I have learned to appreciate who I am and have gained a greater love and understanding for myself. I no longer define myself by my addiction.
About 2 months ago, I found the courage to disclose to my roommates what I was struggling with. They were so loving and supportive. I was able to talk to my then boyfriend about my problem. He was also very kind, understanding, and supportive. Thanks to these people, I have found the courage to share my story with everyone else. My advice to anyone who is struggling with this problem is to REACH OUT. Tell someone about it. Addiction thrives in secrecy. If you have told someone and you are still struggling, keep going! Keep reaching out. Educate yourself on the cycle and nature of addiction. (Check out salifeline.org for a good resource!) There is hope. We are so lucky in this day and age to have so many resources available to us. I am currently in the process of seeking a good therapist (suggestions welcome) and attending the 12 step program offered through the LDS church. (Click this link to find a 12-step program near you!)
While addiction is ugly, there are also many beautiful things that have come out of my struggle. I have come to separate my behavior from my self-worth. It was SO HARD feeling so much shame all the time as a teenager. That separated me from feeling the love my Heavenly Father has for me. As I counseled with my church leaders and received priesthood blessings, I came to understand and KNOW that God loves ME. I have often pondered on the blessings priesthood leaders have given me and am amazed at how merciful our Father in Heaven is. Often times I think, "Hold on. God feels THAT way about ME?! Right NOW? Despite my poor decisions?" I now understand that He loved me before this life, and He will ALWAYS love me, despite my weaknesses and imperfections. God sees weaknesses differently than He sees sin. He knows my heart. He sees my desire to change. I am His daughter and I am a human. We all make mistakes, and as long as we seek help in learning from our mistakes and overcoming them, then we will triumph. God is very merciful and loves us so much. The Atonement is real and allows us to change unwanted behaviors.
As we find the courage to share our individual stories, we will be in a better position to reach out and help others because of the experiences we have had. What a beautiful thing it is to be vulnerable and share our trials with others so we may support one another. I invite you to continue with me in my journey as I continue to heal. I will make monthly updates on my blog for anyone who wishes to follow along!
My story doesn't start with an actual pornography issue. When I was 12 years old I discovered masturbation. (Yes, that word makes me cringe too). At the time, I didn't realize that it was a behavior that went against the teachings of my church. As I came to learn that this was a bad habit I shouldn't be engaging in, I began to feel a lot of guilt and shame. I felt like an awful person. But like anyone who struggles with compulsive behaviors, I couldn't stop. As I grew up I thought there was something wrong with me. Why did I struggle with this awful habit? The shame I felt affected my self-esteem.
As I grew older I tried to get up the courage to talk to my mom. I was 15 when I finally decided to tell her. I don't think I expected her to be so loving and understanding. As I found the courage to talk to my mom, a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. She still loved me! (Of course.) She encouraged me to talk to an ecclesiastical leader, which I did, but I was terrified. I will admit, the conversation I had with my ecclesiastical leader was awkward. At this point in time, I don't think many people knew how to help youth with this issue.
After I talked to my ecclesiastical leader about my problem, I felt relieved. I thought I was healed. Unfortunately, the behavior didn't stop. When I was in college I discovered magazines like Cosmopolitan. I would justify reading these articles because it wasn't "real" pornography. I wasn't looking at images. They were just stories. Afters years of struggling, I served an LDS mission when I was 21. For the first time in almost 10 years I didn't struggle with these behaviors. After 18 months, I again believed I was healed. But as soon as I returned to college, the stress and anxiety I had experienced before my mission returned, and I found myself in the same cycle I had been in as a teenager. The compulsive behaviors progressed, and I found myself looking at pornographic images and videos in order to escape from the stresses of life.
The shame continued, and I began counseling with religious leaders again. It always seemed to carry on in the same cycle. Behavior, shame, visits with religious leaders where we read scriptures, prayed, they told me I'd be fine, (I even had one leader express to me that the behavior would stop once I was married, proof that many leaders at that time didn't understand the nature of compulsive behavior and addiction) and then after a while the behavior presented itself again and I wondered why this continued. Was I not righteous enough? I must not have been praying fervently enough or studying my scriptures the right way. As I began to learn about the cycle of addiction and that my behavior stemmed from my need to cover up negative emotions I was experiencing, I also learned about my triggers and then began to learn other coping mechanisms.
I learned that my triggers aren't sexual in nature at all. Like many other people, they stem from feeling lonely, stress, anxiety, etc. That helped me become more aware of times when I would be vulnerable. Disclosing my problem to the rest of my family has really helped me as well. My family has been super awesome in loving and supporting me through my addiction. I have been really blessed in this aspect. I wish everyone had a support system as awesome and understanding as my family has been. I've learned positive ways to deal with my stress through exercise, meditation, playing music (I play both the piano and violin.) I've also learned to share negative emotions with a trusted friend or family member as the emotions manifest themselves, instead of ignoring them until they overwhelm me. As I have accepted my addiction for what it is and learned to separate my self-worth from my addiction, I have learned to appreciate who I am and have gained a greater love and understanding for myself. I no longer define myself by my addiction.
About 2 months ago, I found the courage to disclose to my roommates what I was struggling with. They were so loving and supportive. I was able to talk to my then boyfriend about my problem. He was also very kind, understanding, and supportive. Thanks to these people, I have found the courage to share my story with everyone else. My advice to anyone who is struggling with this problem is to REACH OUT. Tell someone about it. Addiction thrives in secrecy. If you have told someone and you are still struggling, keep going! Keep reaching out. Educate yourself on the cycle and nature of addiction. (Check out salifeline.org for a good resource!) There is hope. We are so lucky in this day and age to have so many resources available to us. I am currently in the process of seeking a good therapist (suggestions welcome) and attending the 12 step program offered through the LDS church. (Click this link to find a 12-step program near you!)
While addiction is ugly, there are also many beautiful things that have come out of my struggle. I have come to separate my behavior from my self-worth. It was SO HARD feeling so much shame all the time as a teenager. That separated me from feeling the love my Heavenly Father has for me. As I counseled with my church leaders and received priesthood blessings, I came to understand and KNOW that God loves ME. I have often pondered on the blessings priesthood leaders have given me and am amazed at how merciful our Father in Heaven is. Often times I think, "Hold on. God feels THAT way about ME?! Right NOW? Despite my poor decisions?" I now understand that He loved me before this life, and He will ALWAYS love me, despite my weaknesses and imperfections. God sees weaknesses differently than He sees sin. He knows my heart. He sees my desire to change. I am His daughter and I am a human. We all make mistakes, and as long as we seek help in learning from our mistakes and overcoming them, then we will triumph. God is very merciful and loves us so much. The Atonement is real and allows us to change unwanted behaviors.
As we find the courage to share our individual stories, we will be in a better position to reach out and help others because of the experiences we have had. What a beautiful thing it is to be vulnerable and share our trials with others so we may support one another. I invite you to continue with me in my journey as I continue to heal. I will make monthly updates on my blog for anyone who wishes to follow along!
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Finding the beauty in situations that seem unfair
I just had the amazing experience of being able to spend five weeks of my summer with the children in Cuenca, Ecuador! It was incredible. I learned so much about love, patience, friendship, loyalty, and trust. Each one of the children I met was going through their own challenges but still had the capacity to love so deeply, especially the children in the special needs orphanage run by OSSO. I hadn't had much experience working with special needs kids before my trip to ecuador and to be quite honest, the first week was pretty hard. I was getting used to speaking spanish all the time, doing seemingly (or what I thought were) monotonous tasks. Little did I know how much I would cherish what I thought were the monotonous tasks and that they would turn into some of my most cherished memories.
During the first couple weeks as I was learning each of the children's stories, it was so easy to think about how unfair life has been for these children. They don't have loving parents. They don't have perfect minds or bodies. Many of them will never know what life outside of an orphanage is like. As time went on however, I learned to appreciate their different circumstances. I realized how much I had to learn from them. Although life seemed so unfair, there was no denying the beauty of the experiences I was having with these children. Without the opposition they were facing in their lives, I would never have had the chance to learn from them. I firmly believe there is beauty in opposition, and I saw it every single day with these kids.
One experience in particular that I treasure was with a little boy named Anthony. Anthony is three years old and has cerebral palsy along with some other disabilities. Although he is three years old, he looks like he could be about 9 months old. His body is so tiny and fragile. Part of that is due to the fact that for most of his life Anthony has not been able to get the nutrients he needs due to not being able to keep his food down. The doctors told OSSO that if Anthony did not receive a feeding tube, he would die. Anthony went in for surgery to receive his feeding tube, and since there were only three of us volunteers that spoke spanish fluently, we were asked to take overnight shifts at the hospital since Anthony always had to have a member of the OSSO staff with him.
I remember when I was asked to spend the night at the hospital with Anthony. I hadn't even met this little boy yet. My first reaction was thinking about what a long night it would be, and that I was a little nervous about spending a whole night by myself with a baby in a foreign hospital. But I agreed to take the shift (with the promise that I would get the next day morning shift off so I could sleep, yay!) As I arrived at the hospital with Suzanne and Kirsten and entered Anthony's room, I was surprised at how fragile he looked! He really was so tiny. Kirsten and Suzanne gave me instructions and then left. As I was left by myself with Anthony I felt the special spirit of this little boy. I stood by his bedside as he slept and stroked his face and cried as I thought how much this sweet little boy deserved a mother. I thought back on all my medical experiences and how my mom was by my side through all of them, and what a comfort that was to me. Anthony didn't have that. Tears ran down my cheeks as I thought how unfair this was. Where was this little boys mother I wondered? Did she realize what a special little boy she had given birth to?
Because Anthony's body was getting used to being fed through a feeding tube, he would start to cough and would throw up saliva. I spent the whole night by Anthony's side, holding him up as he would begin to cough and then cleaning up his saliva from his hair and his face. As the night went on I began to see the beauty in this experience. True, it would be more fair if this little boy had his mother by his side, but then I would have never gotten to have this experience. I was so glad I was able to be Anthony's "mom" for the night. My time in the hospital with Anthony created a special place in my heart for this sweet boy. I found myself sneaking in to his room during the weeks following just to hold his hand and talk to him. These experiences brought me so much joy. I love this little boy so much and all of the children I was able to work with at OSSO. Below are some other beautiful experiences I was able to have with the kids:
-Blowing bubbles with Laura, the 20 year old girl with cerebral palsy and microcephaly. When I would accidentally touch the bubble wand to her nose she would start to giggle (cutest giggle EVER) and then I would start to laugh, which led to both of us giggling uncontrollably
-Working with Roman, the 26 year old boy with cerebral palsy. Roman always has a serious expression on his face but when you are doing an activity and he finally decides to smile it's a good day :)
-Reading scriptures with Martin and Christian every night, and feeling the spirit so strong I thought my heart would burst.
-The last night I was in Cuenca and we went to read scriptures with Martin and Christian, and when we talked in Christian crawled over to me and grabbed my legs in a bear hug. :)
-Juanita, the teen at HML, another orphanage in the city, who would scout me out each time we visited just so I would sing "London Bridges" and "I love you, you love me" to her in english.
-Reading stories at night with 5 year old Jhon and the other kids in Casa Algeria.
-Reading the Froggy books with 8 year old Christian who has Autism and when we turned the page to see a picture of an open window, his eyes go really big as he exclaimed, "Ay! La ventana esta abierta!" (oh! The window is open!) to which I replied yes...and he finished by saying "Tengo miedo!" (I'm scared!) and all I could do was laugh because it was so cute and made no sense why he was scared of an open window.
There are so many more beautiful experiences I had with each of the children I was able to work with. I'm so grateful I was able to find the beauty in these situations that at times seemed sad and unfair. I know that God is good and He loves us, whether we were born here in the USA with a loving family, or in Ecuador with an imperfect body living our days in an orphanage. He is aware of His children. One day all of these imperfect, unjust situations will be made right because our older brother decided to die for us. For that I am grateful.
During the first couple weeks as I was learning each of the children's stories, it was so easy to think about how unfair life has been for these children. They don't have loving parents. They don't have perfect minds or bodies. Many of them will never know what life outside of an orphanage is like. As time went on however, I learned to appreciate their different circumstances. I realized how much I had to learn from them. Although life seemed so unfair, there was no denying the beauty of the experiences I was having with these children. Without the opposition they were facing in their lives, I would never have had the chance to learn from them. I firmly believe there is beauty in opposition, and I saw it every single day with these kids.
One experience in particular that I treasure was with a little boy named Anthony. Anthony is three years old and has cerebral palsy along with some other disabilities. Although he is three years old, he looks like he could be about 9 months old. His body is so tiny and fragile. Part of that is due to the fact that for most of his life Anthony has not been able to get the nutrients he needs due to not being able to keep his food down. The doctors told OSSO that if Anthony did not receive a feeding tube, he would die. Anthony went in for surgery to receive his feeding tube, and since there were only three of us volunteers that spoke spanish fluently, we were asked to take overnight shifts at the hospital since Anthony always had to have a member of the OSSO staff with him.
I remember when I was asked to spend the night at the hospital with Anthony. I hadn't even met this little boy yet. My first reaction was thinking about what a long night it would be, and that I was a little nervous about spending a whole night by myself with a baby in a foreign hospital. But I agreed to take the shift (with the promise that I would get the next day morning shift off so I could sleep, yay!) As I arrived at the hospital with Suzanne and Kirsten and entered Anthony's room, I was surprised at how fragile he looked! He really was so tiny. Kirsten and Suzanne gave me instructions and then left. As I was left by myself with Anthony I felt the special spirit of this little boy. I stood by his bedside as he slept and stroked his face and cried as I thought how much this sweet little boy deserved a mother. I thought back on all my medical experiences and how my mom was by my side through all of them, and what a comfort that was to me. Anthony didn't have that. Tears ran down my cheeks as I thought how unfair this was. Where was this little boys mother I wondered? Did she realize what a special little boy she had given birth to?
Because Anthony's body was getting used to being fed through a feeding tube, he would start to cough and would throw up saliva. I spent the whole night by Anthony's side, holding him up as he would begin to cough and then cleaning up his saliva from his hair and his face. As the night went on I began to see the beauty in this experience. True, it would be more fair if this little boy had his mother by his side, but then I would have never gotten to have this experience. I was so glad I was able to be Anthony's "mom" for the night. My time in the hospital with Anthony created a special place in my heart for this sweet boy. I found myself sneaking in to his room during the weeks following just to hold his hand and talk to him. These experiences brought me so much joy. I love this little boy so much and all of the children I was able to work with at OSSO. Below are some other beautiful experiences I was able to have with the kids:
-Blowing bubbles with Laura, the 20 year old girl with cerebral palsy and microcephaly. When I would accidentally touch the bubble wand to her nose she would start to giggle (cutest giggle EVER) and then I would start to laugh, which led to both of us giggling uncontrollably
-Working with Roman, the 26 year old boy with cerebral palsy. Roman always has a serious expression on his face but when you are doing an activity and he finally decides to smile it's a good day :)
-Reading scriptures with Martin and Christian every night, and feeling the spirit so strong I thought my heart would burst.
-The last night I was in Cuenca and we went to read scriptures with Martin and Christian, and when we talked in Christian crawled over to me and grabbed my legs in a bear hug. :)
-Juanita, the teen at HML, another orphanage in the city, who would scout me out each time we visited just so I would sing "London Bridges" and "I love you, you love me" to her in english.
-Reading stories at night with 5 year old Jhon and the other kids in Casa Algeria.
-Reading the Froggy books with 8 year old Christian who has Autism and when we turned the page to see a picture of an open window, his eyes go really big as he exclaimed, "Ay! La ventana esta abierta!" (oh! The window is open!) to which I replied yes...and he finished by saying "Tengo miedo!" (I'm scared!) and all I could do was laugh because it was so cute and made no sense why he was scared of an open window.
There are so many more beautiful experiences I had with each of the children I was able to work with. I'm so grateful I was able to find the beauty in these situations that at times seemed sad and unfair. I know that God is good and He loves us, whether we were born here in the USA with a loving family, or in Ecuador with an imperfect body living our days in an orphanage. He is aware of His children. One day all of these imperfect, unjust situations will be made right because our older brother decided to die for us. For that I am grateful.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Praying so God can answer
If you're like me, you feel like you're constantly saying prayers that receive no answer. Sometimes it's difficult to receive an answer to things I desire. I was talking to my sister about this and she suggested an article she had just read called "How to Pray in a Way God Can Answer". I was up early this morning due to not being able to sleep so I read it. Such a good article! It is so important that we align our will with God's as we pray. At times it can seem difficult to do that. HOW might we do that you ask? Here is a suggestion from the article:
- My desire+
- "but if not"+
- Godly desire=
- praying for something God can grant
I'm going to try this and see if I'm able to get better answers to my prayers. I'll post about my results in a few weeks:)
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Answered prayers
Let me just start out this post by saying: I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND WITHOUT MY CRUTCHES TODAY!
This morning I got up and decided to try it out. I limped to the bathroom and did alright. Then I finished getting ready and limped around the house without crutches. Then I had to walk out to my car which was parked a couple houses down. I made it there and back with NO CRUTCHES! It's truly a miracle. I couldn't walk on Monday. Yesterday I made a weak attempt to walk without them. Today I'm WALKING AROUND, UP AND DOWN STAIRS without crutches. God is good. That's all I have to say.
I know that God answers prayers. I know that many people have been praying for a swift recovery and this is nothing but an answer to those prayers. So grateful <3
This morning I got up and decided to try it out. I limped to the bathroom and did alright. Then I finished getting ready and limped around the house without crutches. Then I had to walk out to my car which was parked a couple houses down. I made it there and back with NO CRUTCHES! It's truly a miracle. I couldn't walk on Monday. Yesterday I made a weak attempt to walk without them. Today I'm WALKING AROUND, UP AND DOWN STAIRS without crutches. God is good. That's all I have to say.
I know that God answers prayers. I know that many people have been praying for a swift recovery and this is nothing but an answer to those prayers. So grateful <3
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Tender Mercies
Today I went back to work after taking yesterday off to let my knee rest. I misplaced my keys so I was using Missy's key to drive the car. I dropped her off at work and then drove to where I work in Orem. I knew I needed my key to get into my office but I remembered there is a spare key in one of the classrooms, so I wasn't too worried about not being able to get into my office. I got to work and crutched myself to the gate. That's when I remembered I needed my gate key! I laughed at myself for forgetting. I texted Gabe really quick (the Health Specialist who works in the same office as me) to see when he was going to get there. Luckily he got there 10 minutes later. He let me in and then we got to work. Well kinda. Gabe and I talk a lot so really it was talk for like 20 minutes and then work for 30 and then talk for another 10...and then repeat. I feel blessed that I enjoy the people I work with. That really is a huge blessing!
At 4 o'clock I had a girl come in to do an application for her son. She's only 7 months older than me, so I felt like I was talking to a friend. I love what I do because I get to meet different people and hear their stories. This particular girl hasn't graduated from high school yet and is just working at Savers. She has two kids and is living with her parents. The thought that I was her same age and had a college degree crossed my mind. All of a sudden I felt extremely blessed to be where I am. Since graduating from high school I've served an LDS mission, graduated from college, have a full time job, and am going to Ecuador in a few short weeks! I've had so many experiences. My heart went out to this young mother. It must be hard to be in that position. I really hope her child is accepted into the program so that I can work with her next year. She has a lot of potential :)
Alsooo...when I got home I put my crutches down to see if I could get around without them. I was able to limp around for a little bit! WOOHOO! It's only day 2 and I'm already able to walk a little bit! Give me 18 days and I'll be good as new! God is so good you guys. I'm glad this isn't going to keep me from going to Ecuador like I thought. I was really nervous on Sunday. I'm grateful for priesthood blessings and the promise I received that my knee would heal fully in the Lord's timing. It looks like his timing is quicker than I expected.
Inspiration for today: "Trust in God and believe in good things to come." Jeffery R. Holland
At 4 o'clock I had a girl come in to do an application for her son. She's only 7 months older than me, so I felt like I was talking to a friend. I love what I do because I get to meet different people and hear their stories. This particular girl hasn't graduated from high school yet and is just working at Savers. She has two kids and is living with her parents. The thought that I was her same age and had a college degree crossed my mind. All of a sudden I felt extremely blessed to be where I am. Since graduating from high school I've served an LDS mission, graduated from college, have a full time job, and am going to Ecuador in a few short weeks! I've had so many experiences. My heart went out to this young mother. It must be hard to be in that position. I really hope her child is accepted into the program so that I can work with her next year. She has a lot of potential :)
Alsooo...when I got home I put my crutches down to see if I could get around without them. I was able to limp around for a little bit! WOOHOO! It's only day 2 and I'm already able to walk a little bit! Give me 18 days and I'll be good as new! God is so good you guys. I'm glad this isn't going to keep me from going to Ecuador like I thought. I was really nervous on Sunday. I'm grateful for priesthood blessings and the promise I received that my knee would heal fully in the Lord's timing. It looks like his timing is quicker than I expected.
Inspiration for today: "Trust in God and believe in good things to come." Jeffery R. Holland
Monday, May 16, 2016
Timing
Sometimes life just stinks.
Sometimes things happen at the worst possible time and all you can do is laugh at how ironic life is. On Friday I went hot tubbing with my roommate and our friend and I must have stayed in too long because when I got out I passed out, which resulted in me injuring my left side pretty badly when I fell. I thought I cracked a rib but since it's feeling better I don't think it's cracked. All weekend as I was telling different people the story I kept saying "I'm just so grateful it wasn't my leg or ankle since I'm going to Ecuador in 3 weeks!" As some of you know, I have a bone condition called Osteogenesis Imperfecta which results in my bones being softer than normal, meaning while someone else might get a sprain, I tend to break a bone. Well, what do you know. The Lord sure has a funny sense of humor. Missy and I went to Steven and Debi's for dinner yesterday and as we were leaving I went to walk across their lawn and I stepped in a hole and hyperextended my knee pretty badly. All I could do was laugh because I literally had just finished telling them how grateful I was that I hadn't injured my leg or ankle on Friday when I passed out. The timing was just hilarious.
I thought I had torn my ACL or dislocated my knee but I'm pretty sure it's just hyperextended. I'm hoping for a miracle and that I will be able to walk on it by the time I go to Ecuador. I got a blessing from a couple of the boys next door and in the blessing I was promised that the injury would heal completely, although the length of recovery is unknown and would happen in the Lord's timing. I was told I just have to have faith. I can do that. Honestly, when I first heard the blessing I was convinced I wasn't gong to Ecuador anymore. That's what it sounded like! I know that the Lord knows me and my situation and that things will turn out they need to. I have faith that if it's the right thing, the Lord can perform a miracle and heal my knee before I go to Ecuador. But if not, I will still trust in Him and his promises. I was also told in my blessing that I need to pray to find out other ways I can use my body to serve others.
What I have learned this weekend is that sometimes life stinks. Sometimes the Lord doesn't prevent things from happening to us. But in the midst of it all, we have a loving Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ who sees us through all our disappointments and discouragements. We have to take what life gives us and roll with it. I love this quote from Marjorie Pay Hinckley:
"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
Sometimes things happen at the worst possible time and all you can do is laugh at how ironic life is. On Friday I went hot tubbing with my roommate and our friend and I must have stayed in too long because when I got out I passed out, which resulted in me injuring my left side pretty badly when I fell. I thought I cracked a rib but since it's feeling better I don't think it's cracked. All weekend as I was telling different people the story I kept saying "I'm just so grateful it wasn't my leg or ankle since I'm going to Ecuador in 3 weeks!" As some of you know, I have a bone condition called Osteogenesis Imperfecta which results in my bones being softer than normal, meaning while someone else might get a sprain, I tend to break a bone. Well, what do you know. The Lord sure has a funny sense of humor. Missy and I went to Steven and Debi's for dinner yesterday and as we were leaving I went to walk across their lawn and I stepped in a hole and hyperextended my knee pretty badly. All I could do was laugh because I literally had just finished telling them how grateful I was that I hadn't injured my leg or ankle on Friday when I passed out. The timing was just hilarious.
I thought I had torn my ACL or dislocated my knee but I'm pretty sure it's just hyperextended. I'm hoping for a miracle and that I will be able to walk on it by the time I go to Ecuador. I got a blessing from a couple of the boys next door and in the blessing I was promised that the injury would heal completely, although the length of recovery is unknown and would happen in the Lord's timing. I was told I just have to have faith. I can do that. Honestly, when I first heard the blessing I was convinced I wasn't gong to Ecuador anymore. That's what it sounded like! I know that the Lord knows me and my situation and that things will turn out they need to. I have faith that if it's the right thing, the Lord can perform a miracle and heal my knee before I go to Ecuador. But if not, I will still trust in Him and his promises. I was also told in my blessing that I need to pray to find out other ways I can use my body to serve others.
What I have learned this weekend is that sometimes life stinks. Sometimes the Lord doesn't prevent things from happening to us. But in the midst of it all, we have a loving Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ who sees us through all our disappointments and discouragements. We have to take what life gives us and roll with it. I love this quote from Marjorie Pay Hinckley:
"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
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